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English Genius

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Tagged by amberfocus 

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged.

I don't actually *have* 16 people on my flist. Um...consider yourself tagged if you haven't already done this?

1. I have recently discovered a love of roleplaying, particularly LARP.
2. I can sew quite well, despite being inexperienced.
3. I have the cooking equivalent of "green fingers"
4. I have recently shocked most of my old friends by dating a man ten years older than I am.
5. I really want a PhD in physics, but don't know what branch yet
6. I read www.xkcd.com. So should you.
7. If I ever have a daughter, I'll name her Cecily Rose, after my grandmothers.
8. If I had been born a boy, I would be called Alexander Michael. Instead, I'm named Rebecca Ann after my mother's brother.
9. I have a weird sleep cycle. I drift until I hit 3-4AM to 11 AM, then stick there until I have to get up.
10. I like to snuggle, but only with people I'm very close to.
11. If you ever meet me, you'll discover that I make the most *terrible* puns.
12. I would like to be a better person, but I don't know how to be.
13. I have very firm opinions on wardrobe solutions. Preferably, blouses and jeans or skirts.
14. I have an American passport, despite having lived all my life in England.
15. I have visited Israel, France and the US, but never Wales.
16. I am not dyslexic, and am quite proud of this fact. Instead, I can get through an average-sized novel in two to four hours.

Not posted one of these here before, but what the hell? It puts off that "work" thing I'm supposed to be doing.

( One of those question-answer-list thingies )

SCENE 1

EXT. HOUSE, LATE AFTERNOON.

Screen is black, as we hear a terrific BANG.As the scene fades in, we see GERALD from behind, running across his front lawn. CHARITY is standing outside her car, and a prone body in the road - GERALD's WIFE.

CHARITY

She just ran straight out in front of me, she...

She sees GERALD, gets back into her car and drives away, tyres screaming. GERALD runs over to his WIFE, kneels beside her and discovers she is dead. Shaking, he pulls out his cellphone.

GERALD

911? ...

FADE OUT as SCENE ENDS.

Honeycake and synagogue. (And two new blouses). How were you going to celebrate it, a sacrifice to Imhotep?

For some weird Star Trek (Original Series) fic, just...

( click here )

(the Mew is Spock's, he is legend :P)

A bit of SG-1 fic for a change. What made President Hayes change his mind at the last minute? (With a bonus bit of Jack-angst and Doctor Who quotage).

For bubbles_san. Based on the tinyfic I wrote: "Come on! What have you got that for?" "He's got *lightning* coming from his cheeks." "So?" "Well, yours is useless. He just sleeps." "He'll evolve! Then he'll be fantastic!" "Well, mine's better than both of yours.""No way!" "Oh, God. Here comes Simon's Jigglypuff!"

</div>

Written for bubbles_san's challenge to write Clarkson's attempts to "get into Simon's Veyron".

In case you hadn't guessed, they aren't mine.

Liberation of a Bugatti Veyron, or Five Times Jeremy Clarkson didn't get to drive Simon Cowell's car and one he did.

1) The first attempt was laughable, really. Why he'd thought he could break into Simon Cowell's garage with a hammer without being noticed was one of the mysteries of mankind. After he'd posted bail, Jeremy thought 'Back to the drawing board'.

2) The second attempt was only marginally better. This time, he (ahem) borrowed Watchdog's tame car thief (the man could pick locks, too) and attempted to break into Simon Cowell's garage without being noticed. This time, he had to post bail for the pair of them.

3) The third plan was ingenious, even James had to admit that. There was, however, one flaw which he didn't hesitate to point out. "You were seriously expecting the Stig to steal one of the best driver's cars in the world, then give it to you?!"

"I was going to let him drive it back! I thought if he knew he'd get to drive it, he wouldn't mind."

"You pillock. He said after we got one on the show that the car didn't like you. Too concerned with how it made you feel, not enough for the car or something like that."

"That's ridiculous! Of course I was careful with it, it wasn't mine!"

"It's well known that you and Cowell don't get on, but that's entirely beside my point. The point is that you were expecting the Stig to drive a Bugatti Veyron to your house then just get out of it."

"All right, fair enough, I'm an idiot. Happy now?"

"Very. You know, you could try asking Cowell if he'll let you drive it."

"Shut up, James."

4) The fourth attempt was even less likely to succeed than the first. "What are you doing, Jeremy?"

"This, my tiny friend, is a teleport!"

"Oh, God. You're not still trying to steal Simon Cowell's Bugatti are you?"

"And what if I am? This thing will have other uses too, you know."

"If you ever get it to work. I agree with James, actually."

"Traitor. Now get out, your teeth are blinding me and interfering with my work."

5) The final attempt actually got him into some real trouble. "Jeremy, we can't keep bailing you out with the police like this. It's not funny, and it's got to stop. If it happens again, you're off the show."

"Yes, boss. No more illegal attempts to drive Cowell's Bugatti. Got it."

Hammond and May were waiting outside. "What did he say?"

"That if I do it again, I'm fired."

"We told you it was stupid. Trying to carjack Simon Cowell in the middle of London when he's stopped at traffic lights? You're lucky you weren't committed."

"I was, sort of. I'm attending compulsory counseling sessions for six months."

"You see? We told you not to do it."

Epilogue (seven months later): "That was fantastic! Thank you so much, Simon. I will never make fun of your taste in cars ever again."

"You see, Jeremy? All you had to do was ask nicely!"

The Doctor (number nine, with TARDIS) so I could escape!

(And have fun adventures. And hopefully sex. But that's a secret! :P)

Or "Why I love Richard Hammond", by Oliver the Opel Kadett.

Until I met him, my life was nothing extraordinary. I was made in 1963, sold to someone who kept me in petrol and repairs, reasonable maintenance but nothing special. Then I became too old or slow, and was sold on. This continued, and I was reasonably happy, until July of last year. That's when he came.

At first, he was nothing special. Intending to go a long way, but I can handle ambition! We were to be part of a convoy, I discovered. My fellows were an '85 Mercades 260 E, and an '81 Lancia Beta Coupe. (And a Beetle, but the drivers didn't like him, poor thing, so we didn't really get to know him). Since we were to be going a long way together, it was decided that we were 'Opal', 'Merc' and 'Lancia' to one another. It's nice to be friendly! We drove, and were given a shakedown. I did my best, despite the embarrassing horn! My driver and I were getting on famously, and then he named me! My very own name! Well, I'm Oliver forever, now.

The first night, we learned that we were to cross the Makgadikgadi. No car has ever done this - we would be first! Weight-loss was obviously needed, so Richard (if you can't be on first-name terms with a driver when he's named you, when can you?) won my heart completely when he only pulled off the radiator grille. He couldn't bear to damage the rest of me! Well, see me sink now, why don't you. I was driving on air. Lancia and Merc were resigned, especially when they started sinking, though they did seem to take some vindictive pleasure from watching their drivers inundated with dust, while my Richard was safe and happy.

The first trouble was the time-trial. Everyone has heard of the Stig. He simply is, and always has been. He understands us better than we know ourselves. His African cousin, on the other hand...doesn't. I did my utmost, for Richard, of course. But oh, I shudder to remember. His hand on my gear-lever, his feet on my pedals! Never again. Never. I am Richard's, and his alone.

Things went well enough after that, despite the unasked-for paint job, since Richard had kept me intact. I could reward him now, couldn't I? Merc was happy too, got quite a few of his bits replaced. Lancia was...less so. Looked absurd, and didn't he know it. So, yes. Things were going swimmingly, until they went sinkingly. I'm sorry, Richard, but the river was just too deep. Maybe in my youth I could have forded it, but not that day. And then, if you'd believe it, he stayed with me all afternoon and most of the night, replacing everything that was damaged! I was in better nick than he'd found me! Oh, that was heavenly. Nothing could stop us now, not even lack of petrol. We hit the border in fine style, and I came back to Earth with a bump.

Richard was going home. To England, and there was no way I could follow. I was heartbroken. But it got worse! Despite Merc's better performance on the lap, I was deemed more practical, and so I was to be bought...by African Stig. That was a low blow. To be driven, owned, by a man I despised after being left by one I loved! To be driven by a man who would try to seduce me when I had given my whole engine to another! How could I bear it?

But then, dear reader, I was rescued. Saved, and by Richard himself. He bought me form his bosses, took me over the oceans, and met me on the shore. I'm in repair now, becoming the best car I can be, just for him. Any day now, I'm going to be driven home, and kept in a dry garage, perfectly maintained and never sold. And that is why I love Richard Hammond.

**************

This piece of absurdity is further to a conversation at midnight last night, about how the Stig wouldn't seduce Oliver but African Stig might. bubbles_san sent plotbunnies and writing vibes, and you behold the result! Please, you liked? Disliked? It's my first post over here, so I'm kinda nervous.

Love is foolishness and wisdom and commitment. Love is the mayonnaise in the sandwich of life. Romantic love is a choice as well as an emotion. Familial love is not. These are my experiences of love, and have developed with my life.

Mock the Week: fantastic or what? Not only do they have fabulous humour, they also find very hot comedians! It seems to be one of the few things the BBC can do very well: theme tunes and hot comedians. What's not to love?

These are so, so addicive!

Make them at http://www.faceyourmanga.com



Guess who they are :P
Hint: it's Doctor Who
I admit, some of these are better than others.

She came, she loved, she left.

Print 'Hello, world', I guess. Maybe I'll start a blog here, maybe not. We shall see.